I feel so drained tonight and just don't want to do anything.  Yesterday I wasn't feeling good so I rested all day until about 5pm and then I spent the next 5 hours cutting out valentine's stuff for a teacher at the school.  I did get a good nights sleep but spent ALL day cutting more stuff for the teacher.  It wasn't hard work, the Cricut did most of the work but for some reason I just feel drained tonight and am so ready for bed.  I did get up enough energy to do the dishes.  When you do the dishes by hand I wonder how many calories you burn...lol

I feel like I have been taking all these steps forward but tonight I feel like I have taken 2 steps back.  I ate Chinese for supper and when I added up my points I was shock to see it was more than I was allowed.  Fortunately I haven't used any of my 'weekly' points so I was able to use some of those.  I need to watch what I eat the rest of the week.  I just feel defeated tonight.  I could see me giving up so easy right now cause I've done it before but NOT this time.  I will see this through to the end.

I don't know how people can exercise every day.  My friend, Becca, works out every day and she has a 2 year old.  How she gets up the energy or time to do this is a wonder.  I have to force myself to get up and move around or do my leg lifts before going to bed.  It doesn't come easily.  I just want to sit there and be a vegetable.  That is my problem, I have veggied for to long and it got me to where I am now.  FAT! FAT! FAT!!!  I am having a pitty party tonight.  I need to get down on my knees and pray hard tonight that God gives me energy tomorrow to get up and move.  I don't want to continue like the way I was.  I want to get better, get skinny, get healthy.  It just hurts sometimes to even move and it's at those times I really need too push myself and work through it. 

I have a very dear friend who is also doing weight watchers and keeping a blog and she posted something yesterday that I thought was so good and I want to share it with you.  At church on Sunday she was listening to the preacher talk about 'Default Position'.  Like her, I too spent my whole life focusing on food.  But since she has joined weight watchers she has been praying day and night for God's strength and slowly food is no longer her focus on life.  God is delivering her from her addiction to food and what a joy she is feeling.  On Sunday the preacher asked what is your default position.  "When you are under pressure what is your default position?  Where do you want to go back to?  If it is anything other than a greater trust in God it limits your future.  Ask the Holy Spirit to help you rewrite the default position of your life.  It will change the potential of your life."  What wonderful words those are and I'm so glad my friend shared them on her blog.  I am going to start asking God to help me rewrite my default position so food is not my focus.  So I can focus on Him and His ways. 

Just writing this tonight has brought me to tears.  It is such a struggle to lose weight and I just feel like I have lost that battle.  I know it's only been 3 weeks and I can't give up.  Whether it's 3 weeks, 30 weeks or 300 weeks I am gonna fight the food battle the rest of my life with God's help.  As long as I give it to God He will help me.  LET GO, LET GOD!!!

Thank you for your love and support.  Please keep me in your prayers that God gives me strength to meet each day head on and to live for Him.