So here it is Wednesday.  I weighed on Saturday and I didn't gain nor did I loose.  I still weigh 484.  That is still 18 pounds down from where I started. 

We went to Fredricksburg on Saturday and it was absolutely HORRIBLE.  It was 96 degrees, very crowded and no place to park.  I ended up dropping of Bill & his dad while they walked around and I sat in the truck.  There is no way I could have done all that walking in that heat with no shade and no place to sit.  So after about 90 minutes they were done looking around and we went to get something to eat.  That alone was it's own nightmare.  First I was driving around trying to find this German restaurant, then when I finally found it there was no place to park.  Had to find a place in the back of the restaurant and then ask these nice bikers if they could park the truck into this tight parking space, which they happily did.  The restaurant was PACKED so we ended up sitting outside under this canopy with misting fans blowing.  Bill & his dad got a table that I couldn't fit at and I was so embarassed trying to sit down.  I ended up crying and I could swear this table next to us was laughing at me.  I was so angry I just wanted to leave and I REFUSED to get anything to eat...until their food came and I was so hungry I ordered something off the kids menu.  I finally cooled down from sitting in the truck and got some food so I felt better but I was really upset over the hole thing.  I don't think I will do it again anytime in the future.  Maybe if it was winter time and not so many people.  I just don't like the heat and I don't like crowds.  Maybe I should move to Alaska. 

Bill's mom and family are coming in June and we are suppose to tour San Antonio.  I already told Bill I am gonna stay at the hotel while they go sight seeing and they can come back and pick me up.  It will have to be really cool that day in order for me to get out there and walk around.  I really think I could do the walking around if it wasn't so HOT.

I am afraid this week when I go to weigh in I will have gained some.  We have been eating and eating and I haven't done a very good job of watching.  On Sunday Bill's dad took us out to an all you can eat breakfast and although I only went through 1 time I still had fattening food.  This Sunday we are going to the Mother's Day brunch on post.  It's all you can eat and I am gonna have to carefully watch what I eat.  My stomach has hurt all week from the eating.  I haven't been eating my yogurt in the morning and I think that has a lot to do with it too.

We are headed to TN at the beginning of June.  I had hoped to be down to 470 by then but I don't think that is realistic.  If I could get down to 475 I would be happy.  The one thing Bill and I have decided about this trip is we aren't brining any 'snacks' in the truck with us.  If we want something to eat we will get it when we get gas.  In the past we would bring trail mix or crackers, etc and then end up eating all the way to TN.  Should be interesting.

My knees were hurting a little yesterday and the day before but we had a strong cold front come through and I think that was the cause, they don't hurt now.  Still haven't gotten in the pool.  If it's not one thing it's another that has prevented us.  Hopefully soon though.

I am keeping my hands busy by finding sewing crafts to do.  I find if I keep them busy I don't snack in between meals.  Which is a good thing but now I just need to watch what I eat at those meals, especially while company is here. 

Take care everyone...Later...K

So it's been a month since I blogged.  I stopped cause I didn't think anyway was reading them except my mom and I talk with her everyday.  So I am sorry to those of you who do read that I stopped.  I will keep it up cause I know that you are interested in my progress.

I have noticed that even though I haven't lost a 'ton' of weight that it is getting easier to walk and stand.  The last couple of weekends we have gone to the px, commissary, etc and shopped.  I surprised myself and my husband in how well I was getting around.  I wasn't out of breath nearly like I had been.  You know 4 months ago I wouldn't haven't been able to do what I have done.  It really makes me feel good.  Now don't get me wrong, I still have bad days but they are few and farther between.

As you know Bill has been doing most of the chores now for several years.  About the only thing was doing is the dishes and I would have to sit to do those.  Now I can do the laundry and that includes taking the basket from the bedroom to the garage and back after all the laundry is washed.  It really makes me feel so good to be able to do this. 

Yesterday we bought a new vacuum cleaner and of course we had to try it out last night.  Bill said you want me to vacuum and I said no, I want to give it a try.  I was like a kid at Christmas playing with there new toys.  I couldn't believe I was standing and running a vacuum.  Bill was grinning from ear to ear and after it was done I just had to call my kids and mom and tell them what I had done.

You are probably saying, why would you get so excited about doing this.  Well when you get as big as I am you get to a point where you physically can't do anything.  I remember watching this show several years ago and it featured this man who weighed over 1,000 pounds.  He took up the WHOLE bed, side to side, top to bottom.  He couldn't get up to use the bathroom, he would just go and then his wife or dad would clean him up.  They would bring him a BUCKET full of chicken and all the fixings and that would be his meal.  He couldn't even sit up to eat it, had to lay on his side.  He had bed sores from laying all the time.  When I watched that show I thought to myself, why would anyone do that to themselves.  How can you let yourself get that fat and that dependent on others for everything.  As I thought back on that show I realized I was doing excactly what he was doing.  I would ask people to bring me food, I would let them do the chores so I didn't have to.  I was turning out like him (except for the bathroom thing).  I was to a point in my life where getting up was difficult and I would rather just sit and ask people to get me what I wanted.  Now if I ask my husband to go get me something he tells me to get off my butt and get it myself and 9 times out of 10 I won't go get it cause I don't want to put the effort out.   At first I was so angry with him for doing this.  It made me so mad but now I know he is doing it for me and I love him for that. 

It's been 2 weeks now since I have had to take any pain meds because of the pain in my back and knees.  I didn't even realize it until yesterday that I hadn't taken any.  I also hardly take tylenol and motrin too.  You have to understand for me this is a big deal.  I was taking pain meds 3 to 4 times a day and in between those taking the other.  Now not to take any is wonderful.  My lower back hardly has any pain and my knees don't hurt.  When we would go grocery shopping I could hardly bend my knees and pull myself into the truck after we were done.  Now it's no effort at all.

Next month we are going to TN to visit and will be taking Addie to the zoo.  I am scared but excited at the same time.  All that walking makes me nervous but on the other hand I am excited to see how well I can do.  I know it will be tough but I NEED to do this to prove to myself that I have gotten over another hurdle.  I don't want to miss out of Addie's life. 

Thank you for your love and support and words of encouragement.  Please keep them coming and please keep me in your prayers.  When I have lost 30 pounds I get to go back to the doctor and reevaluate my meds that I take and hopefully we can start weening me down off the dosage and eventually off of them.

Today we are going to Fredricksburg, TN with Bill's dad.  It's gonna be HOT and it will be an effort but I am looking forward to seeing how well I do.  Until later......K

Yesterday was weigh in day and I was so happy when I stepped off the scale and I hadn't gained or loss any weight, I stayed the same.  With me going back and forth not to have gained was really nice.  I can't seem to break 490 though so I have made it my goal for the month of April to work my hardest to get down to 480.  I have 11 pounds and 30 days to do it.  Go me.

It's really weird to cook our 'supper' meal at lunch time and only have sandwiches or a salad for supper but I am adjusting.  We went grocery shopping over the weekend and I bought almost $50 worth of meat and then portioned it out into food saver bags so when it's time to cook a meal all I have to do it thaw out exactly what I need and won't have extra.  Today I made pork chops and started at 10:30 this morning so they would be ready for lunch when Bill came home.  We had a nice lunch together and then we have all day to work it off.  Tonight for supper I just had a chef salad with lots of vegetables.  Very filling and not a lot of points.

Yesterday I worked really hard to get all the laundry done and kitchen cleaned up .  It felt so good to get up and move around.  I wonder what life will be like when I lose just 10 pounds (by the end of April).

The temps have warmed up and the pool water is getting hot so we should be swimming by Easter weekend.  So looking forward to it. 

Well I don't really have a lot to say so I'm gonna run.  Thanks for your support.  Until later...K

Wow I didn't realize it has been over a week since I blogged.  I was reading my last entry about getting in touch with the nutrition clinic on post and I did hear back from them but they don't have a group meeting where I can go.  So for now I will just keep doing what I am doing at home.

This past Sunday I weighed and had lost 4 pounds and was so surprised at that.  I truly didn't think I had lost anything, in fact, I thought I had gained.  Boy was I surprised at the results.  Over this past week or so I have really gotten more active and not just sitting around.  I was so good at the beginning back in January and then I hit a low point where I gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks and I was really feeling sorry for myself.  I felt like such a loser.  But I picked myself up, wiped myself off and started all over again and it paid off...down 4 pounds.  I am now back down to 491 pounds and that is 11 pounds from where I started. 

As you know I bought the food saver thingy and made up some meals, portioned them out into individual bags and put them in the freezer.  This past week it has really paid off in making supper for myself.  All I had to do was put the main course in the microwave to heat up and while it was doing that I made a vegetable, salad or pasta to go with it.  Then when it came time to record my points it was SO MUCH EASIER.  I recommend getting a food saver to anyone who struggles with supper meals.  Make up some meals ahead of time and then on a night when you don't have time to cook you just have to reheat.

On Friday night I put the pork tenderloin in the crock pot with the BBQ sauce and it cooked all night so when we got up Saturday morning all I had to do was portion it out and freeze what we wouldn't eat right away.  That way we don't get tired of a particular food (from eating it 4 days in a row) and we can get more variety in our meals. 

I got a compliment from my husband on Friday.  He dropped me off to mail a package and when I was done I had to wait for him to come pick me up.  When he arrived he told me that I looked great.  I had what he meant and he said I looked skinner and I was standing up.  This just made my day.  For people who are fat like me standing and not leaning on sitting down is hard to do and standing straight is even harder.  I have really been working on standing, forcing myself to stand to do stuff.  It seems to be paying off.  This past week has just been wonderful.  I found myself doing more and being more active and not really thinking about it...I JUST DID IT.  My husband would say, do you realize you just did such and such and I went no.  Shocked us both.  So I am finding myself doing stuff that before I either wouldn't do or would struggle to do and now am just doing it.

I have taken on the job of gathering up the trash on Monday nights for Bill while he is at school and then all he has to do it put it out before going to bed.  Some may say, what's so hard about that, but there again I had been so used to just sitting and not doing anything that just that simple job was hard.  It can still be a struggle sometimes but I work through it and just tell myself that I AM GOING TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT.  That is my motto or goal....I AM GOING TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT.

I have 2 1/2 months before my mother-in-law gets here and we go sight seeing.  I still have a ways to go before I can do much walking with her but I am determined to get there.  Please continue to pray for me and my daily struggles.  If I can push through the daily routines then I will be successful in the long run.  Until later...K

I just read an article on the Fort Hood web page about a lady who weighed 285 pounds.  She wanted to have Lap Band surgery but her husband did some research about the side effects and how she would have to change her eating habits after she had it.  So she decided to hold off and get in touch with Darnall Nutrition Services at the hospital and she is so glad that she did.  She has lost 45 pounds in 10 months and won't be having the surgery.  They have taught her how to chose right foods to eat and the correct portion sizes.  I was so moved by the story that I emailed the person who wrote the story asking them to get many the information of the Nutrition Center so I could contact them.  I thought I could do this with just the online version of weight watchers but I really think I need to have a face to face with someone or a group each week.  I can't afford the weight watchers meetings so I am hoping that the center on post will see retired family members.  I also am hoping that that person will ge back in touch with me with the info.

I feel like such a failure.  I thought I was so committed to this but as my mom pointed out I am just not there yet...and she is right.  If I was truly committed I wouldn't have gained 4 pounds this past week.  I would be pushing myself harder to get this weight off. 

I'll let you know what happens in the next couple of days.  It will be a struggle to go to the hospital.  You have to park SO FAR AWAY from the building and walking is not easy for me.  And I am not one who like to get out of my comfort zone and this will most certainly get me out of it.  If I can't do this then I will have to do the weight watchers meetings but one way or the other I am going to push myself.

Thanks all...Later K

Good morning one and all.  It wasn't such a good week for me.  I guess I tried to tell myself that I was eating right and watching my points but the scale had something else to say and I ended up gaining 4 pounds this week.  You can fool yourself but you can't fool the scale...lol

I don't know why I have such an obession with food.  At times it seems that is all I think about...food, food, food.  Some days it seems like I am always hungry and that is what is was like this past week.

I did make up a bunch of meals for this week and freeze them in individual portion sizes with the seal a meal.  So this week when Bill goes to school at night I am ready for supper.  He will be driving this week so I won't have the truck accessible to run out and get fast food.  Not having the truck around will be a nice thing.

I thought I was doing 'just enough' exercise this week but there again the scale said otherwise.  Even Bill, who worked his behind off this week ended up gaining this past week.  Maybe it's in the water...lol NOT

I look back on what I ate this week and I didn't really keep track writing it down but in my mind I can see that we ate pizza 2 different times, had that cookie dessert thing, ate out 2 different times and I am sure there are other times that I can't remember off the top of my head that wasn't healthy.  Just don't a good week for either of us.

Well time for breakfast.  Gonna have a bowl of cereal and a yogurt.  Take care one and all...Later

So the other night I made honey glazed pork chops, frozen corn and chicken flavored noodles from one of those packets.  Its was DELICIOUS and we have left overs.  I will certainly be making this again and again.

Today we bought a food saver vacuum sealer and I am so excited to use it.  I had lots of leftover food that I put in the freezer but tomorrow I am gonna separate them out and put it in the baggies that came with the food saver.  Then when Bill comes home for lunch all I have to do is put in the microwave or boiling water to heat it up.  I will also set myself up with meals for supper so hopefully it will make it easier for eating at nights when Bill is gone.

I made a dessert cookie the other day too and tomorrow I am gonna divide it up, seal a serving in a baggie and put them in the freezer.  Then I will throw one in Bill's supper at night when he goes to school.  What a nice treat for him. 

It's been a good week eating wise.  I have kept on my points but I haven't exercised a lot.  At least not exercising my usual stuff.  I have been working around the house with Bill and getting some exercise that way.  We decided today we aren't as young as we used to be and by evening we were so tired we just sat and watched tv.  Tomorrow I have a lot to do and I hope it will be a good day and not have a lot fo aches and pains.  Spring break is almost over.

Bill got the pool all drained and cleaned up and it's refilling.  Tomorrow he will hit it with the chemicals and hopefully it will warm up by April or May so we can start swimming.  I can't wait.  I feel so much better after we have worked out in the pool.  Last year Bill came up with some exercises I can do in the pool to build my strength and it worked.  Unfortunately I lost it all through the winter.  I have to come up with something in the winter to keep up my strength and not gain weight.  I am praying that by winter time I have lost enough weight that I can fit into a swimming suit and then go to the local swimming pool to do water aerobics.

So looking forward to more nice weather.  I seem to want to get up and do more stuff when the weather is nice.  I can open the windows and get fresh air and it just makes me feel better.  When I feel better I don't like sitting around doing nothing.  So here's to nicer weather and windows open.

I am headed to bed.  Night all.  Hope you are having fun reading my blog.  I appreciate and love the support and prayers.  Until later...K