The Beginning

My daughter told me I should start a blog to let people know how my weight loss is going and also to keep a journal of where I was in my life at the beginning of this weight loss. What finally brought me to my knees. So here goes.

My name is Kathy, as you all know. I am gonna be 49 years old this year. I have a wonderful, supporting and very loving husband. He has stood by my side for 30 years. He has never, and would never, judge me. He accepts me for who I am. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 1 wonderful son-in-law and a brand new granddaughter. I was so honored to have my granddaughter be named after me and was even more blessed when she decided to make her entrance on my birthday. My family has always been there for me and I want to be there for them for years to come. They, along with my parents and sister have always encouraged me to lose weight and as much as I wish I could have done it sooner I needed to be brought to my knees and see what they have always seen. I will die at a young age if I don't get a handle on my weight. I could say this "stab" at losing weight is for them but it's not. I have to do this for myself and they will benefit from it. This isn't a stab. It is a change of life and something I will struggle with for the rest of my life but with God's grace and the support of my family I will be successful.

I haven't always be fat. In fact, growing up on a farm I was very skinny. So much work to do you burned lots of calories. My weight didn't become a problem until I got married. At first it wasn't bad a few pounds here a few pounds there but before I knew it my eating was getting out of control. Before I had kids I would eat and eat during the day while Bill was at work and then I would hide the food from him so I didn't have to share. I love, love, love chocolate, potato chips and dip. I would walk to the store and buy a 3 pound bag of Brach chocolate in bulk, a bag of chips and container of dip and eat it before Bill got home. Then go back a few days later and do it again. When the kids came along I would still eat but had to find ways of hiding it from them. I wasn't about to share my food with anyone.

As my weight went up I would set these 'marks' for myself. I would say, "When I hit 225 I'll do something about it.". Well 225 came and went and I would set another 'mark'. My marks always went up in 25 pound increments. Each time I reached that weight I would set another mark. It never stopped. The weight just kept going up and I didn't really do anything about it. I tried to lose weight and would take a few pounds off here and there but I would gain them back and even add to it. I was out of control and on a downward spiral to where I am today.

The first week of Jan 2012 I went to the doctor and when I got off the scale I was shocked. I weighed 502 pounds. I never in my mind thought I was that heavy. I didn't see myself at 500 pounds. If fact, I didn't see myself as that fat to begin with. I knew I was obese cause everyone kept telling me but in my eyes I was 'not that fat that I couldn't get under control'. I don't look at myself in mirrors, I don't have too many pictures of me and the ones I do I am usually behind someone else so my weight is 'hidden'. You would think getting the news that you weigh over 500 pounds would be what brought me to my knees but it wasn't. It actually happened on January 16th, President's Day. Bill was off this day from both schools so we were gonna spend the day running errands. I wasn't looking forward to this day cause I knew Bill would push me to get out with him at the various stops and I didn't want to. It hurts so bad to move. I hate doing anything physical, from walking to the truck to leave to grocery shopping. And as I expected he wanted me to get out with him but I fought him to no end. No one gonna make me do anything I didn't want to do. I did go grocery shopping and just about killed me. By the time we came home I was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I was popping pain killers to try and take the edge off of the pain. But it wasn't helping. I still was hurting and now I was drugged. I broke down several times during the day and just cried and cried and cried. How did I get like this. How can I go from a woman who could do anything to a woman who was afraid to leave her house cause she knew how much effort it would take and she didn't want to do it. Even getting around my house has become difficult. I couldn't walk 10 steps without being out of breath and having to take a break. I have to sit to do the dishes or to cook or even take a shower. The simple things in life aren't simple to do. I walk with a cane and wish I had a scooter to ride on. People stare at me when I go out and kids point. It's no fun. At times I just wanted to end my life so I could be out of the physical and emotional pain but I love my family too much to leave them. I'm glad I never went through with it cause I am here to say it wouldn't have solved anything and only left my loved ones in lots of pain. It was this day that my life changed for the better. I signed up for weight watchers that night and started doing what little physical exercise I could. It's been a week now and I can't believe how much better I already feel. I lost 9.6 pounds the first week. I cut my daily food consumption in half and I an not that hungry. Today I was successful in walking from my kitchen to the bathroom without having to stop and rest. That just made my day. I have been doing side leg lifts at night laying on the bed and today I added weights to my arms. It is 1 day at a time and although I have long term goals I dont fixate on them. I take it 1 day at a time and those long term goals will be here before you know it. I didn't get fat over might and I won't get skinny overnight. But with God's grace and my family's love & support I will be successful.