Hi everyone.  Boy I am having such a great day.  My back is still hurting but getting better everyday.  I have such a postive attitude about life and everything in general.  Was depressed after doing our taxes last night but had an eye opener today and things look better.  When I used to be drepressed I would eat and eat but I have learned that only leads to more depression cause I was putting on weight.  Now if I am depressed or upset I make a conscious decision not to eat.  I have found other ways to deal with it instead of putting food in my mouth. 

I have done well today staying withing my points and that makes me feel good.  I had a big salad for lunch with lots of veggies (which are free) and very little cheese and dressing.  I surprise myself everyday with using less and less of certain foods and realing how good things taste in the 'natural' form (if that makes sense).  I used to smother my food in salad dressings or butters or gravies but not now.  I leave it off or use a very small amount. 

Life is wonderful.  Have a great evening.......bye

So it was weigh in day and I wasn't successful in losing weight this past week. I actually gained 2.2 pounds but i am still down from where I started. It's ok. I'm not down or depressed. I know this will happen and I just have to get back on the right track. I have increased my activity some and that makes me feel good. I was able to deal with shopping yesterday without too much difficulty. I woke up this morning and my back was killing me from the near accident yesterday so I haven't done much today except take it easy. Tomorrow will be another day.

We are planning a vacation later this summer and it will require a lot of activity on my part and I'm really scared about it. I don't know if I will be up to the challenge. Everyone is gonna expect so much out of me and will be mad if I can't meet their expectations. I want to back out of this vacation so badly but I have to push myself to go. I really want to but it will be tough.

I feel like such a burden to some of my family and not my immediate family but my extended family. I wish they would be more supportive but some of them aren't. Oh well. I am not doing this for them I am doing it for me.

I have been enjoying those clementines. Thanks mom for the suggestion to get them. They are delicious. Wanted grapes but they looked horrible so its bananas and clementines this week.

I have a very good friend who started weight watchers a few weeks ago and she also is writing a blog. One of her posts talked about growing up in the south and how all get togethers were around the kitchen table with lots of food. I didn't grow up in the south but do remember Sunday lunches always consisted of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, white gravy and when in season corn on the cob. In the summer time we had homemade ice cream all the time. Saturday breakfasts would consist of sausage gravy, homemade biscuits, bacon and eggs. You can see where my bad eating habits came from. I am in no way blamming my mom cause she wasn't the one who put the food in my mouth. It was so good I just kept eating and eating. Like I said before, on the farm I could eat like that but once I moved away I should have stopped. I LOVE FOOD plan and simple and food doesn't love me.

Well tomorrow is another day towards my goal. I am gonna be on track this week and do better. Thanks all for your love and support. Good night.

I can't believe that Saturday is almost over with.  I will be weighing tomorrow and I am not holding out hope that I lost any weight.  Haven't been too faithful this week with my eating.  But that is ok.  If I lost I will be excited but if I gained I won't let it get me down.  I will just get back on the right path and try harder.

Today we went grocery shopping and per my moms suggestion I picked up some clemintines to snack on.  Never had them before so hopefully they will be good.  I also got more veggies for salads.  I plan on eating lots of salads with little salad dressing and cheese but piled high with fresh vegetables.

It was still a struggle to shop but I think it was easier than before.  Maybe it was in my mind or maybe it was real but I was proud of myself.  I did have to sit down and take a break but didn't sit for long and then got back up and finished what was on my list to buy.  Bill and I have split the shopping into 2 sections.  He buys the stuff that is perishable like milk, etc and I get all the produce, meats and anything canned.  I used to have to walk a couple of aisles and then call it quits and he would finish.  Today I got most of everything on my list.  I did have him go get a couple of my items while I waited for some help getting something out of the back.  They are remodeling the commissary and so you have to get someone to get the frozen veggies from the back.  They never did come so we just went to Walmart..lol  I didn't lean as much on the cart as I have in the past.  There again, maybe it was in my head or maybe it was real but it felt good to 'walk right'.  Bought myself some Weight Watchers desserts.  Got the chocolate cakes and the lemon cakes.  Only 2 points per serving.  Much nicer than the Little Debbie products which have tons of points. 

On the way home we almost got t-boned by this guy who wanted to run the red light.  He would have hit my side of the truck and so when I saw him I screamed and tightened up my muscles.  Now my back hurts.  I hope it doesn't last long cause it's a little painful to walk right now.  Please say a prayer for me that I feel better tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another day and the beginning of another week.  Good or bad when I step on the scale I will see this through.  We have started going to a new church and tomorrow we are gonna try out a Sunday School class.  My world is going wonderfully.  I am happy in life.  I love myself enough to start taking better care of me and I love my family more than ever to want to be here for a long time.

Night to you all.

Well it's Thursday night.  I am so glad that today went better than yesterday.  Yesterday was just a horrible day.  I was tired from being up with the storms the night before.  My joints just ached from the cold front passing through.  Just getting around was a painful.  I didn't want to move but had errands that needed to be run.  While I was out I gave into temptations and bought myself lunch.  Ate way too much food and had heartburn all afternoon.  Then for supper I had 2 blt's.  Grant it the lettuce and tomatoes were 'free' on weight watchers but that bacon, mayo and bread sure wasn't.  I was in a really low place yesterday knowing that I was over my points allowed.  I called my friend and my mom and shared with them how the day was going and they just lifted me up telling me it's ok and to get back on the plan.  When my husband came home I shared with him what had happened and he just gave me a hug.  I love my family and friends cause they are so supportive.

Finally got to bed and all I wanted to do was sleep but I forced myself to do my leg lifts and so glad I did.  Today I feel great.  I don't hurt, I have energy and mentally I am back on the plan.  I have a positive attitude today and I'm not gonna let one bad day change things.  I am loving life and want to be around for a lot longer. 

I noticed that my beautiful rings that my husband bought me 2 years ago are fitting again.  I had gotten so fat that they were tight and I stopped wearing them.  Today I was able to put them back on and that makes me feel so wonderful. 

I had a BIG salad for supper tonight with lots of lettuce and tomatoes and only a little bit of cheese and dressing.  It tasted so good and was filling. 

I am not looking for a big weight loss this week like I had last week and that's ok.  I just don't want to go backwards and 'gain'.

Tomorrow we are gonna run our weekend errands after Bill gets off work.  I am hoping that I have a great day tomorrow to and don't hurt.  It will feel so nice to walk the aisles at the grocery store and not have to sit down after 2 aisles to rest.  Lord give me the strength to get through another day.

Today is gonna be a long day and I am hoping I can stay on track.  We didn't get much sleep last night because of the storms so I have been awake for awhile.  I want to eat so bad.  I am trying very hard to stick to a schedule.  Eat breakfast between 7 & 8, lunch between 11:30 -12:30 and supper between 5 & 6.  Before I would eat whenever I wanted to and in turn ended up eating a LOT of food.  It is very important for me to stay on a schedule.  I wish we could get some fresh fruits right now but can't seem to find any at the store worth while.  Fresh fruits & vegetables are 0 points and you can eat as much as you want.  Makes for a great snack in between meals. 

I am realizing that you really have to measure and weigh everything to make sure you figure out your points correctly.  It feels so weird to measure a tablespoon of mayo before putting it on bread.  I am noticing that I used to use a lot more than a tablespoon before...WOW.  Being on weight watchers has really opened my eyes to how I used to eat.  I never realized how much food I would eat or the poor choices I would make.  I am really learning a lot about food, nutrition & food portions. 

I am currently making an excel spread sheet with items I like to eat and the nutritional info I need to figure out my points.  That way when I go grocery shopping I can make a meal plan ahead of time and only buy what will be ok to eat. 

Well it's time for lunch, yeah!!!  Time to go eat.  Bye

The Beginning

My daughter told me I should start a blog to let people know how my weight loss is going and also to keep a journal of where I was in my life at the beginning of this weight loss. What finally brought me to my knees. So here goes.

My name is Kathy, as you all know. I am gonna be 49 years old this year. I have a wonderful, supporting and very loving husband. He has stood by my side for 30 years. He has never, and would never, judge me. He accepts me for who I am. I have 2 beautiful daughters, 1 wonderful son-in-law and a brand new granddaughter. I was so honored to have my granddaughter be named after me and was even more blessed when she decided to make her entrance on my birthday. My family has always been there for me and I want to be there for them for years to come. They, along with my parents and sister have always encouraged me to lose weight and as much as I wish I could have done it sooner I needed to be brought to my knees and see what they have always seen. I will die at a young age if I don't get a handle on my weight. I could say this "stab" at losing weight is for them but it's not. I have to do this for myself and they will benefit from it. This isn't a stab. It is a change of life and something I will struggle with for the rest of my life but with God's grace and the support of my family I will be successful.

I haven't always be fat. In fact, growing up on a farm I was very skinny. So much work to do you burned lots of calories. My weight didn't become a problem until I got married. At first it wasn't bad a few pounds here a few pounds there but before I knew it my eating was getting out of control. Before I had kids I would eat and eat during the day while Bill was at work and then I would hide the food from him so I didn't have to share. I love, love, love chocolate, potato chips and dip. I would walk to the store and buy a 3 pound bag of Brach chocolate in bulk, a bag of chips and container of dip and eat it before Bill got home. Then go back a few days later and do it again. When the kids came along I would still eat but had to find ways of hiding it from them. I wasn't about to share my food with anyone.

As my weight went up I would set these 'marks' for myself. I would say, "When I hit 225 I'll do something about it.". Well 225 came and went and I would set another 'mark'. My marks always went up in 25 pound increments. Each time I reached that weight I would set another mark. It never stopped. The weight just kept going up and I didn't really do anything about it. I tried to lose weight and would take a few pounds off here and there but I would gain them back and even add to it. I was out of control and on a downward spiral to where I am today.

The first week of Jan 2012 I went to the doctor and when I got off the scale I was shocked. I weighed 502 pounds. I never in my mind thought I was that heavy. I didn't see myself at 500 pounds. If fact, I didn't see myself as that fat to begin with. I knew I was obese cause everyone kept telling me but in my eyes I was 'not that fat that I couldn't get under control'. I don't look at myself in mirrors, I don't have too many pictures of me and the ones I do I am usually behind someone else so my weight is 'hidden'. You would think getting the news that you weigh over 500 pounds would be what brought me to my knees but it wasn't. It actually happened on January 16th, President's Day. Bill was off this day from both schools so we were gonna spend the day running errands. I wasn't looking forward to this day cause I knew Bill would push me to get out with him at the various stops and I didn't want to. It hurts so bad to move. I hate doing anything physical, from walking to the truck to leave to grocery shopping. And as I expected he wanted me to get out with him but I fought him to no end. No one gonna make me do anything I didn't want to do. I did go grocery shopping and just about killed me. By the time we came home I was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I was popping pain killers to try and take the edge off of the pain. But it wasn't helping. I still was hurting and now I was drugged. I broke down several times during the day and just cried and cried and cried. How did I get like this. How can I go from a woman who could do anything to a woman who was afraid to leave her house cause she knew how much effort it would take and she didn't want to do it. Even getting around my house has become difficult. I couldn't walk 10 steps without being out of breath and having to take a break. I have to sit to do the dishes or to cook or even take a shower. The simple things in life aren't simple to do. I walk with a cane and wish I had a scooter to ride on. People stare at me when I go out and kids point. It's no fun. At times I just wanted to end my life so I could be out of the physical and emotional pain but I love my family too much to leave them. I'm glad I never went through with it cause I am here to say it wouldn't have solved anything and only left my loved ones in lots of pain. It was this day that my life changed for the better. I signed up for weight watchers that night and started doing what little physical exercise I could. It's been a week now and I can't believe how much better I already feel. I lost 9.6 pounds the first week. I cut my daily food consumption in half and I an not that hungry. Today I was successful in walking from my kitchen to the bathroom without having to stop and rest. That just made my day. I have been doing side leg lifts at night laying on the bed and today I added weights to my arms. It is 1 day at a time and although I have long term goals I dont fixate on them. I take it 1 day at a time and those long term goals will be here before you know it. I didn't get fat over might and I won't get skinny overnight. But with God's grace and my family's love & support I will be successful.